Giving it to God

The season of Lent has started! This year I am trying something a little different. People who observe Lent often “give something up” for this period before Easter, myself being one of them.

I started to think though, we give something up that we feel we give too much time and attention to, yet it’s almost like a race. We just have to make it until Easter until we can get whatever that thing is back. We are willing to go this short period of time to give up one thing because we know we can get back it, but why? If we can give it up for more than month, does it really need to consume more of us after Easter?

Maybe I am overthinking it… but this Easter season I don’t just want to give something up for this short time, I want to give it to God wholly.

To preface, I am not writing this blog for attention. In fact, I don’t write any of my blogs for attention. I don’t know how many people will see this, read this, or care about this, but if God hadn’t put these things on my heart, I wouldn’t say them. I know that people I love and care about read these, like my mom (HI MOM!). But most of the things I put down in my blogs, I would have great difficulty actually having a conversation about. Why? Because these really are my struggles. I don’t want people to think of me differently or judge me for the things I struggle with, but it might happen. The reality is though, God has given me the words and courage to put myself out there. If even just one person reads my blog and it helps them in anyway, then any judgement from others is completely worth it. My prayer will continue to be that God uses me as encouragement to others as I continue to grow in my relationship with him. 

So now to begin…

I struggle with wanting a man to love me. I see my friends or people I look up to that have awesome relationships, and I wonder if that will ever be me. There have been more times that I like to admit that I have tried to pursue a relationship with a guy that was not holy, and every single time it ends the same way: with shame and guilt and hurt.

One of the things that really eats at me is that I typically know when I am in the wrong or have sinned. The worst part is that I know better and I just feel even worse, but then I go back to scripture and realize that God doesn’t want us to live our lives in shame. Daniel writes (chapter 9, verse 9):

The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.

Even though I make mistakes and mess up, God doesn’t give up on me. I think that is one of the craziest things about having a relationship with God. In normal human relationships, people get mad, hold grudges, or just end relationships altogether, which is so sad. But with God, we do not have to worry about that! Isn’t it beautiful? Nothing we do can make God stop loving us. One of my all time favorite chapters in the Bible is Romans 8 (10 out of 10 I would recommend it), and verses 37-39 read:

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Did you hear that? NOTHING (including sin) can separate us from our Heavenly Father’s love when he have come to him and asked for forgiveness. So why push him away?

At this point you probably think I have gone off on a random, inapplicable tangent when I was originally talking about Lent. Well, this spring I truly want to give my heart to God and let him decide where it belongs. This might sound a little extreme, but to get my focus completely on God, I am going to stop focusing on talking to guys.

I’m not saying that I am not going to talk to guys or not hangout with them, but I am not going to initiate these events. And to really direct my focus on God, whenever a man (anyone! from my dad to my guy friends to whoever) texts me, before I text them back I am going to open my Bible (or Bible app) and read some verses. Maybe I will see that I don’t need to be texting whoever that person is, or maybe I will realize that God is working in that conversation. Honestly, it doesn’t matter who it is, what it’s about, or why that person wants to talk to me; it’s about focusing on God and putting him at the front of all of the relationships I have with people around me. I’m giving it to God for good (not just for Lent).


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