Am I Enough?

Am I enough?

I make a lot of mistakes. I take a lot of things for granted; I beat myself up about small things; I don’t appreciate the beauty around me enough; I don’t tell the people that I love how much they mean to me. The list goes on… but you probably get the idea by now: sometimes I suck.

Maybe this is not the best time to be writing a blog post… it is TEE (Term End Exam) week and all, and I could definitely be studying for my European History or Composition exams (but, nah). Sure, I could be studying, but this is also an exhausting week and this is most definitely going to be a very open look into my mind, so don’t judge me too much.

Luke 21:19

Stand firm, and you will win life.

Whoa… that is a freaking awesome verse! I don’t know about you, but I want to win life… This week has been a week of major struggle for me, and not just academically. Sure, I would really love to not fail any classes, the odds that I could actually fail a class at this point are fairly slim (Lord willing).

That brings up the next question, why am I feeling so much anxiety? What do I need to stand firm in?

(Forewarning: I’m winging this right now. I have no idea what I am about to put down or where this is going to take me.)

Hope’s anxiety list:

  1. school (eh… I just really dislike 3 1/2 hour tests that fry my brain)
  2. being accepted
  3. being worthy

 

Well, time to tackle this list…

Number 1: school. Okay, so yes, school is pretty tough right now, but ultimately if I am meant to be here, I won’t flunk out. Proverbs 16:3 tells us that if we commit to the Lord whatever [we] do, he will establish [our] plans. It’s actually really reassuring that God has my plan figured out (that means that I don’t have to!). I’ve already seen this before in a lot of the other paths the Lord has steered my life, so I need to continue to fall back on this whenever I am doubting my purpose.

Number 2: being accepted. Who doesn’t want to being accepted by those around them? I know I do! But then I need to consider… why am I worried about being accepted? (Because I already am) God has blessed me with an awesome community of brothers and sisters here who do accept me. From Officers Christian Fellowship to the cadets I teach Sunday School with to my company mates and so on, I have an incredible support system here. The Lord has truly blessed me with surrounding me with these awesome people, so I should not doubt what is right in front of me.

Number 3: being worthy. Psalm 139:13-14 says

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

This verse is so interesting… God formed our inward parts (that just sounds so awkward, if we are being real here), but it’s actually really cool. God formed me  specifically for a purpose that he has. If I was not worthy of living this life that he has given, would he have even given it to me? No. He would have created someone smarter, prettier, someone who could sing and draw if that is what worth was defined as (thank goodness it’s not!). Everyone goes their whole life saying “you deserve the best [fill in the blank]” (whether it be relationship, school, job, whatever), but by saying “best,” we limit this world to having one path. That’s just not right. You cannot tell someone that they deserve the “best” if someone else also deserves the “best” because you also deserve the “best” and so on. God created all of us, shouldn’t that make all of us the best? Yes. YOU ARE AWESOME! Don’t let this world tell you otherwise… With that being said, I should not worry about finding a guy to love me because God will show me the right man at the right time. I’m 18… I (hopefully) am not on the track to be single my whole life. Should that ever be my focus anyways? No. I do not need a man to define me as being worthy because the Lord has already done that. For that, I will continue to praise the Lord. It’s amazing how he has formed us perfectly in his image. Such a beautiful thing this life is.

Now, if you have the time, go look up Luke 1:37 (I promise you won’t be disappointed). If you are needing strength to make it through this week, know that I am praying for you. May peace be with all of you in travels and in fellowship with family and friends. Remember, you are enough. Much love!

 

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